Do I have to take my shirt off?
- Mur Eva
- Mar 21, 2024
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 15, 2024
I’ll start from the beginning. Lost my virginity through coercion. I don’t think this experience is individual to me but is a starting point for my journey of self-discovery. I don't think I even took my shirt off and had to be under the covers. We had sex several times before breaking up, but I don’t remember thinking I’m so glad I did this. This is so fun.
My second boyfriend was thoughtful and giving. Shy to speak and I didn’t have a clue what to say. We had a good sex life for my perceptions at the time. Mostly intercourse with oral on occasion. It was fun and we enjoyed ourselves.
After him, the next long-term relationship was also with a truly kind and generous person. I didn’t want him to leave me and thought we would stay together if I made sure to have sex constantly and give blow jobs when I didn’t want to have sex.
My entire perspective was based on the physical. Outside of that I never knew how to express feelings of love or true intimacy. I thought you get along, have a place, and fuck. Easy peasy.
I was always concerned with the other person’s happiness and orgasms. My needs were secondary and at the time I didn’t know what my needs were. My parents are baby boomers, their parents were raised during the depression. My grandmother told me sex was a requirement and you did it when they want it. She was never nude during the intercourse. He pulled her dress up, did his business, and they went back to whatever they were doing prior.
My mother had sexual trauma in her youth and sexual abuse in her youth. She liked the closeness of sex but not the act. Like my grandmother it was a duty. And so without ever discussing it I followed their lead.
I was naked, I did get on top, and it felt good. I had no idea what I was missing. I thought since it was on my terms that I was liberated. Boy oh boy was there more work to do.
By the time I was in my mid 20s I was single. I would go to bars to find a guy who was cute and take him home. Totally liberated. lol
One day I had a conversation with a friend about sex and orgasms and I thought I was having them. I had fun, it felt good, and I can do it whenever I want. She told me about getting past the good feeling and finding the great feeling. Using yoga breathing to wade through the good to get to even better. This conversation changed everything for me. I bought toys and had a merry fun time. A little dribble here and there. Sex was better. I knew how to feel good, and it was way more fun.
Then I met my future husband. We had mind blowing sex outside of my normal awesomeness and into wowzers. I wasn’t letting this guy get away. I loved the scent and feel of him. I became more comfortable with myself and soon became a pretty messy squirter. He was into it while we were doing it. Letting the juices run down his face.
My bean jumped at that last sentence. I didn’t masturbate at all during our 15-year relationship. Married for six of those years. He found an emotional relationship with someone else. I didn’t even understand what that meant. We had sex regularly, it was great, we had fun, I loved his family, and we had a life. I couldn’t figure out what he was missing.
Now for the other side of the coin. If I wanted to have sex too often, he would belittle me, if I turned down my sex drive then it wouldn’t be enough. When any of my juices left a spot, he would tease me and say I peed thinking he was funny. It hurt my drive even more and I tried not to orgasm or make sure it wasn’t too much to avoid his comments.
I still don’t know how to express my needs or say what I want. I feel shame in my orgasms and am worried when I meet a new person that they will be disgusted. I shamefully tell them my secret which they say is great, but they have no idea how truly liberated my naughty little vag really is. I think that’s why they don’t want to see me again after we sleep together.
I currently have a partner but no relationship which is preferred for now. I call him my fuck boy, but he has really helped me feel good about my orgasms. I’ve now created a level system for them (1-10) as they build one on the other. Each time the orgasm is stronger, more intense, and freaking great. I’m having too much fun.
I’m also masturbating and using toys. With my toys I can achieve a 5 or 6 but with him I’m screaming 10-10-10-11-12 and lose my ability to speak or think. It’s like meditation and is great for my mood and stress relief.
So how do you get from being the girl who sex feels fairly good, to enjoying the intense orgasms that come when you break down your own barriers, relax your body, and scream ten!!!!?? This is why I’m writing. I want you to know you can enjoy sex, you can masturbate and be horney, you can crave orgasms and tell the person you are with what you like.
At this point I still haven’t learned how to express my feelings or be open to someone but I’m on a journey of self-discovery that I will share with you. I’ll tell you practical tips, the best waterproof items for keeping your bed dry so you don’t have to sleep in your juices and will share the toys I like and dislike.
Join my mailing list and hope on the train of self-discovery here on the Squirt Review. As allies in liberating our pussies we will Cum together as the Lady Cum Clique.
Joining the clique is easy. Comment on posts, share your stories, and help us shape the new generation of women who cum by the gallon and are proud of it.
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